


Christmas Star

by msgilliana



Category: The X-Files
Genre: 25 days of ficmas, Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:41:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28080318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msgilliana/pseuds/msgilliana
Summary: 25 Days of Ficmas Day 14: Stars
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23
Collections: bisexualreina and msgilliana’s 25 days of ficmas





	Christmas Star

**Author's Note:**

> “They’re all the same, no matter where we are. We all see the same stars. So whenever you feel the need, look out and see the stars.“
> 
> Mature for language

Love.

It was a powerful thing. Just the word itself overflowed with emotion. And there were so many kinds. Seven to be exact. Seven in which all others were formed.

Platonic. Familial. Sexual. Universal. Uncommitted. Practical. Self.

Dana Katherine Scully had experienced all of these types at some point or another. 

But familial love. A mother’s love. 

They say a mother’s love is the strongest love there is, and while science has not proven or disproved, Scully could see some truth in the statement.

Her own mother, who took care of her children while her husband was off at sea, who came to Scully’s side when she was on the brink of death. Who was the strongest woman Scully has ever known.

Scully had experienced it herself. For years, she had given up hope she’d ever get to hold a baby in her arms and say “thank you” after strangers and friends alike commented on how precious her baby was. To go to the park and push her child on the swings. To take her child to baseball or ballet or soccer because she would let her child choose their interests, no matter how “girly” or “boyish” it was. 

She was given that chance, Granted, it should never have been taken from her in the first place. But she had it. As traumatic her birthing experience had been, and the long healing process her body went through, she couldn’t believe had been able to hold her baby to her chest, giving them nutrients to survive. She couldn’t believe she was able to drop her baby off to daycare before she went to work and pick him up after she got off. She couldn’t believe she would be asking a woman she had grown close with over the course of her pregnancy to babysit, or be able to take her son to Mommy-and-Me playgroups, or make friends outside of work who she could talk about her experiences with. Teething, sore and cracked breasts, leaking, colic, that first postpartum shit that hurt like a bitch that no-one talks about but _damn_ , it hurt. And who could forget the absolute wreck that was her vulva after pushing out an eight-pound baby with no medical intervention. Scully laughed as women compared theirs to the wrinkles on a Bulldog puppy or even lasagna. 

Who could also forget the absolute _God-send_ that was aloe gel. Squirt that sucker on a pad bigger than your baby’s diaper and stick in the freezer. Scully was convinced women were smarter than actual rocket scientists. Seriously, mesh underwear was manna from Heaven. She was able to go through these experiences and agree when women claimed to love their kids more than their partners. Penises were in ample supply, but it wasn’t everyday you pushed a baby out of your vagina or had surgery on your uterus to bring life into the world. Scully listened on as the other women talked about how useless their husbands were or how surprisingly helpful their boyfriend was. A harsh reminder of one of the most heartbreaking facts.

Her son she prayed for hadn’t had their father. 

Mulder had to go into hiding just 48 hours after meeting their baby boy. Their precious baby boy. While the other single moms either chose single motherhood or the dad refused to help, she had wanted more than anything for her child’s father to experience these moments with her.

Moments she gave up on.

Moments with her son she had to let go to protect.

Moments she’d never get again.

As Scully thumbed the star mobile Monica had gotten for the baby shower she hadn’t been able to attend, she was reminded of the chance she’d never have again. No baseball. No ballet. No soccer. No more daycare. No more Mommy-and-Mes. 

“Dana, you okay?”

Not realizing she had started to cry, Scully wiped away her tears. “I’m fine.”

Monica came into a sight she’d never wanted to see: Scully sitting in the middle of what was once William’s nursery, boxes where furniture had been. 

“Oh, Dana.”

Scully couldn’t help it, and the dam broke. Sobs bounced off the walls onto the cardboard. Monica went and knelt down behind her, enveloping her in a hug. Grateful for the human contact, Scully used her free hand to hold Monica’s forearm. 

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” Scully choked.

“You did what you had to do to protect him, Dana, You loved him so much you did what no mother should ever be forced to do.”

The realization made Scully’s sobs louder and Monica just held her tighter. Nudging for her to get up, she held Scully’s hand and led her to the window. She draped an arm around Scully’s waist and the smaller woman rested her head on her shoulder. 

The city streets had been decorated for the holidays, but Scully couldn’t find it within herself to celebrate. Her self-love had disappeared after William had been adopted by another family, and she didn’t know if she would ever gain it back. She would have hated herself if she celebrated Christmas without thinking of her son, so she chose not to celebrate at all.

“See the stars out tonight?” Monica asked, pointing to various stars. 

Scully looked at her, and then into the night sky.

“They’re all the same, no matter where we are. We all see the same stars. So whenever you feel the need, look out and see the stars. They’re the same ones William will see as he grows up.”

So that’s what Scully did. When Mulder came back, when they were on the run, when he went back on the X-Files, when they separated, when she spent two years alone, when they found out where their son was, when he died, came back to life, died again (or so they thought), and when she found out she was given another chance to be a mother.

She looked out at the night sky, watching the stars she knew her son was out there watching too.


End file.
